I'm your #1 fan

I can’t take it any more. I can no longer sit in silence and be endlessly bombarded by the baseless, factually incorrect drivel coming from these deluded Mac fanboys. This pathetic article has finally put me over the edge.

I’m not here to pick a fight over whether PC is better than Mac. I own one of each and have raves and complaints about both. And the big secret no one’s telling you is that to the generic user, there’s really not much of a difference. The internet looks the same on both screens.

No, my problem stems from the embarrassing ‘turf war’ that Apple users feel the need to constantly start with…well anyone.

I’ve never understood this little dog syndrome. A diehard Mac fan will always feel the need to impress on you why Mac’s are fantastic, and why your PC is a giant fire hazard, waiting to usher you and your family to a painful death. Bill Gates is an evil capitalist monster who is hell bent on world domination, while Apple is a hippie commune powered by hugs and rainbows.

What other product instills this same cult-like status in its users? You might get a similar pissing contest between Xbox and Playstation buyers, but it's not the same. I'm beginning to think there’s an untraced link between Apple Corps. and the Church of Scientology.

You don’t just buy an Apple, you become a pod person who must spread the gospel of Mac by telling everyone how you used to own a PC and your life sucked, but then you got an Apple and everything worked out. You've answered the call and are fighting against the evil Microsoft – you’re suddenly the home computing equivalent of Che-fucking-Guevara.

You don’t see Pepsi drinkers stabbing guys with Coke because of their soft drink choice. And yet I guarantee you’ve been at a party where some Apple fanboy has explained that Macs are the “industry standard” for everything from photography to family lineage and you're just not quite as enlightened.

Again – it’s not the Mac I hate, it’s their fans - which in itself is hilarious. I mean, I don't begrudge someone for supporting a company - but the idea of electronics fandom baffles me. I'm trying to imagine being really excited about one companies alarm clock over another, and I just don't get it.

Maybe my Mac was defective when I bought it. Or maybe I've been too skeptical for the "magic" to take effect. But in the end, they're just computers that are only as interesting or useful as the person sitting in front of them.

They've got a Cheshire Cat grin

It seems like the farther you get in life the fewer of those genuine gleefully happy moments you get. Those swooning, ‘can’t stop smiling’ type moments, little kids get when they find a worm or a shiny rock. And as a cynical adult you think – what the hell’s so good about that rock kid?

Yet on Friday I had one of those moments. On a rain soaked patch of grass near Lake Ontario, I witnessed my own personal moment of musical perfection watching Radiohead create something far deeper than just music.


I won’t bother “reviewing” the show, because frankly there’s not an ounce of me that could be impartial about it. For me Radiohead exist on a separate playing field from mere bands and music.

When someone asks me to list my favourite band or song, it’s likely I won’t list Radiohead in either category because they don’t belong there. Just like the Beatles, you don’t rate them against others – you do not sully or tarnish what they do.

But what I can relay is this. As it rained down on us – all of us - on that soggy hill, and before Radiohead ever took the stage there was one of those great “en mass” moments where everyone in the crowd pointed upwards towards the sky as the breaking sun created the most vibrant and stunning rainbow. And then it created a second, right next to it.

It was evident then that it didn't matter how much rain fell, we were far too blissed-out to let the weather put us off. And like a kid who'd found a shiny rock, I was pretty happy with the music too.

City vs. Suburbs Part 1

In the city, if you drive to a bar on your bike no one thinks anything of it. It's the city and everyone travels by bike.

In the suburbs, if you drive to a bar on your bike, everyone assumes that not even your recent DUI and suspended license will keep you from drinking with your friends at the bar.

My music is where I'd like you to touch...

As my friend Dave points out over on his little patch of the internet, defining cool is as fool-hearty as shoving cats in a sac, and just as likely to end in tears. And so from this, comes the always-controversial musical sub-argument of what defines cool music?

This topic has been rattling around inside my head for weeks now and I’ve been trying to find the best way to vocalize it (or editorialize it as the case may be). Until - that is - I was on a site called stillepost – which, for haters and hipsters, is Mecca.

I won’t get into why I was reading posts on this page, except to say that the baseless, vitriol being thrown around was breathtaking – even for someone as cynical and curmudgeonly as myself.


I sat atop my high horse, shaking my head at these mustachioed trend-setters, while they pulled apart bands and music piece by piece. Each one trying to out-hate the last comment posted – and yet in the most ambivalent of styles. And just as I was about to cast judgment I realized that there was a time not to long ago that I would have been one of them.

I would easily be described as a musical snob. I’m picky about my music and I believe there needs to be a level of credibility to it before I’ll jump on board. In fact it was this very idea that kicked this whole blog off.

But in the past four or five years I’ve realized that you reach an age where no one cares how cool you think you are anymore. I could exhaust myself daily trying to keep up with thousands and thousands of new bands and artists, but for what? Besides, that’s what SniffyVon is for. It's always best to leave things like this to the professionals.

That’s not to say I’ve stopped listening for new stuff, I just don’t have that urgency anymore. I don’t have the one-upmanship driving me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that no one’s impressed with how many indie bands I know about…not even me.

I also realized that I was closing myself off from too much good music because I had a preconception of what my music was.

I heard stuff like Fela Kuti and Sly Dunbar, neither of which are vegans from New York city with tight pants and realized they were great, and they didn’t fall into the tiny compartment I had deemed acceptable.

And I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I like corny, cliché stuff like Wings and ELO and Fleetwood Mac. I’m not saying everyone should run into the streets with Stryper and Journey albums held approvingly above their heads (I would even go so far as to advise against it), but if you dig a Billy Joel song than damn it – you enjoy your Piano Man.

Hell, my wife and her friends love the John Bon Jovi without a trace of irony and I admire the shit out of her for it. More of us should love music so unabashedly.

Water, water everywhere...

While it's no revelation that certain bottled water companies are using tap water in their bottles, an article I found today puts it into such plain language that you truly feel stupid for spending money on the stuff.

What's more, bottled water is an example of price gouging at its most outrageous. More than one-quarter of the bottled water consumed by Canadians is nothing more than filtered tap water. Two of the top-selling brands in Canada are Dasani, which is owned by Coca-Cola, and Aquafina, which is owned by its beverage rival PepsiCo.

As Pepsi was forced to admit last year, both brands take the water they bottle directly from municipal water systems; Dasani uses water from Calgary and Brampton taps while Aquafina uses tap water from Vancouver and Mississauga.

Shocking, isn't it? These companies are taking our tap water, which on average in Canada costs us less than one-tenth of a cent per litre, filtering it, although it is already perfectly clean, and selling it back to us at a markup that can be several thousand times its original price.

You can read the full article here

Something to tide you over

I really wanted to make a posting today but was busy with actual work and what not. So instead here's something I found amusing and remarkably true in our country as well.

I'm not alone...

Anyone who shares my disdain for all things hipster will enjoy this article from Adbusters.

I’ve written and ranted on the subject before, but I really admire the author of this piece for actually living among them. Jane Goodall would be proud.

this is my favourite quote - "The dance floor at a hipster party looks like it should be surrounded by quotation marks."

iPhone...there for I am

Hello. My name is Gary, and I am an addict.

It’s been a few weeks since I purchased my last piece of electronics…but the urge haunts me daily. My drug of choice from as far back as I can remember has been gadgetry.

I’m a slave to new and pretty pieces of electronics that blink and flash and shine. I can’t help myself – I see these devices, whether it’s an MP3 player or computer or even a set of speakers, and I’m overcome with an emptiness that can only be filled by this new toy.

Granted it’s not quite as dramatic as say, a crack habit. I’m not Chris Rock in New Jack City, offering sexual favours for a fix. But it can still be pretty lethal on the old pocketbook (What is a pocketbook anyway, and who still uses one? People barely carry cash anymore).

My latest obsession comes from the purveyor of all the shiniest gadgets around right now. If electronics were porn, Steve Jobs would be Hugh Hefner.

Somehow Apple continues to supply products that you don’t just want – you need. And trust me, as anyone who knows me will attest to, it pains me to admit this. It’s not like their products really do anything different or unique – but damn if the packages and advertising don’t make a gadget-whore like myself swoon.

I got roped into buying an iPod mini when they came out. Then came the lily-white Macbook and then of course my iPod needed to be upgraded to the sleek, black iPod video. And now, Jobs’ latest creation has brought me crawling back for more.

Having seen the iPhone almost a year ago, I was intrigued but not necessarily impressed. But after I did some reading and saw some of the 1000+ applications that go with it, I felt that twitch again. From deep down came the slow and steady rumble of crazed obsession.

Within days I was reading everything about it. I suddenly hated my useless cell phone for only being able to make and receive phone calls - my little gray brick of disappointment.Then the 3G launch happened here in Canada, and my obsession boiled over. Granted, a recent trip overseas did help fuel this as it seems everyone over there has one – like they’re just giving them away.

Today though, I reached a sobering a place – I contemplated something I never thought I would. You see, August 15^th is circled on my calendar, as I have two tickets to see Radiohead in what’s being billed as one of the “must see” concerts of the year.

Tickets sold out in seconds and are nearly impossible to get. Ebay has pairs selling for more than $500.

I think you see where this is going.

It was only for one brief second that the idea of turning my tickets into profit (subsequently used to purchase said iPhone), but it was enough to shake me to my senses.

The embarrassing irony of this is that I had just recently sworn off Apple products for their shoddy craftsmanship. I’m on my third iPod after various technical problems (luckily under warranty) and my Macbook is starting to come apart after only a year and a half. Not to mention that most of their products are so sensitive that staring at them will induce scratches.

And yet here I am, lovingly gazing at photos of the iPhone and imagining that one day I’ll be lucky enough to own one.

Thankfully I have a wife to snap me out of these gadget-induced hazes and promptly bring me back to reality. Without her I’d probably be just another junkie, begging for money…but at least I’d be doing it while talking on an iPhone.