In honour of Leslie Feist’s big Juno win last week – I’ve decided to list four things that are currently wrong with the Juno’s and by extension – Canadian music. I could probably find more than four, but I’ve cleverly parlayed Feist’s iPod ad…err…song, into this blog posting’s raison d’etre.
Let’s start with the absurdly long list of award categories – 44 in total. I’m all for being inclusionary but this is reaching new levels of insanity. I’m half expecting to be contacted in the next few days to be told I’ve won a Juno – seems like everyone else got one. Here’s a sampling of the awards list
Dance Recording of the Year (this is dance music I’m assuming and not the recording of someone dancing to music)
Best CD/DVD art work design
Instrumental album of the year
Music DVD of the year (this one’s barely a music award)
Classical Album of the Year - Large Ensemble or Soloist(s) with Large Ensemble Accompaniment
Classical Album of the Year - Solo or Chamber Ensemble
Classical Album of the Year - Vocal or Choral Performance
Ok, that’s enough for now. But please understand that there are separate categories for pop, jazz, reggae, roots, world (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean), rock, hard rock, adult alternative (are you shitting me?) and alternative. And they in turn have their own sub-categories. Am I alone in thinking this is just a giant wank fest? Why don’t they all just stand in a circle and pat each other the back? These are coming dangerously close to those ‘participant’ awards they used to hand out in T-ball. You know, the ones that everyone got…for participating…including that strange guy named Warren who never played in a game and always smelled like pee.
At the end of the day, the more awards you hand out, the more watered down and meaningless an exercise this becomes.
Second is the shallow pool of artists who performed. Feist (bet she doesn’t get this chance as a member of Broken Social Scene), Avril Lavigne, Michael Bublé, Jann Ardern, Anne-f’ing-Murray…Jesus – just add the Tragically Hip and Bryan Adams and we can start a parade of predictability. Don’t get me wrong, I think Jann Arden is funny, self deprecating and a seemingly great person, but she would play your kids 10th birthday party for a slice of cake and the opportunity to tell a blonde joke.
Granted there were a slew of country performers that I have to assume people like and Finger Eleven has their following. But this list is as close to pandering as you can get. The may as well have dropped a banner behind them that read – “PLEASE KEEP WATCHING, KEY DEMOGRAPHIC OF 14 YEAR-OLD GIRLS AND MOTHERS.”
I’ll save you from the endless list of talented Canadian performers who released an album this year (Joel Plaskett, Stars) or are about to release one (Tokyo Police Club). Perhaps they think this is a shambolic mess as well and would sooner have their nuts trampled by angry horses, than share a stage with Avril Lavgine.
Number three is probably my favourite category of the night – Best International Album. But how – you may ask yourself – does this earn your scorn? Well, on the surface it seems harmless enough but the disappointment lies in its winner – Rhianna.
By its very definition the nominees could have been boundless. Strike that, they were bound only to this fucking planet! So upon scouring all the many countries of our world they came up with these gems: Bon Jovi, Fergie, Josh Grobin, Timbaland…and Rhianna? Coincidentally all of these artist currently hail from the tiny country the United States of America (yes Rhianna was born in Barbados)…it’s enough to induce an anger-stroke in even the calmest human being.
As if the entire awards ceremony wasn’t already a slobbering tribute to the U.S., they tart up the Most Popular American Album award, but calling it the International Album of the Year award. Oh Juno – you’ve pulled the wool over our eyes. Change the name of the award or actually find artists not from this continent (there are a few). Either way I don’t think you’re fooling anyone.
Last but perhaps not least is something that can’t be blamed on any of the artists who were nominated and in some ways is just an extension of my previous complaints. This award show is a giant and unabashed tongue kiss to the corporate sponsors and record companies.
Ever since CTV got their hands on it, it’s evolved (or devolved) into a glossy, name brand event with a red carpet and Canadian stars – and good for them. I’m not saying that’s a bad idea. You clearly want people to watch your show, and to do that you cater to the masses.
But in the same way that The Daily Show peppers a little education into the entertainment, couldn’t the Juno folks sprinkle a few more ‘musical’ acts into their show – perhaps lend it some credibility.
There are some things the Junos got right – including having Russell Peters host the event – but at the end of the day that really has nothing to do with the music. And when it comes to the music, you’re not doing any good or providing any credibility by packing your show with whoever’s popular at the moment.
Granted you want to bring in an audience, but once you have them why not take the opportunity to introduce them to some music they wouldn't otherwise hear? For every Avril Lavigne and Michael Bublé maybe throw in a Caribou, MSTRKRFT or Final Fantasy.
With a lot of very talented Canadian bands set to release new albums this year (Tokyo Police Club, Wolf Parade) it will be interesting to see which bands will be acknowledged by the Juno organizers and which will be ignored. I’d willing to bet that unless one of them sell a lot of records or somehow align themselves with an ad campaign you won’t see them picking up any statues.
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