I'm your #1 fan

I can’t take it any more. I can no longer sit in silence and be endlessly bombarded by the baseless, factually incorrect drivel coming from these deluded Mac fanboys. This pathetic article has finally put me over the edge.

I’m not here to pick a fight over whether PC is better than Mac. I own one of each and have raves and complaints about both. And the big secret no one’s telling you is that to the generic user, there’s really not much of a difference. The internet looks the same on both screens.

No, my problem stems from the embarrassing ‘turf war’ that Apple users feel the need to constantly start with…well anyone.

I’ve never understood this little dog syndrome. A diehard Mac fan will always feel the need to impress on you why Mac’s are fantastic, and why your PC is a giant fire hazard, waiting to usher you and your family to a painful death. Bill Gates is an evil capitalist monster who is hell bent on world domination, while Apple is a hippie commune powered by hugs and rainbows.

What other product instills this same cult-like status in its users? You might get a similar pissing contest between Xbox and Playstation buyers, but it's not the same. I'm beginning to think there’s an untraced link between Apple Corps. and the Church of Scientology.

You don’t just buy an Apple, you become a pod person who must spread the gospel of Mac by telling everyone how you used to own a PC and your life sucked, but then you got an Apple and everything worked out. You've answered the call and are fighting against the evil Microsoft – you’re suddenly the home computing equivalent of Che-fucking-Guevara.

You don’t see Pepsi drinkers stabbing guys with Coke because of their soft drink choice. And yet I guarantee you’ve been at a party where some Apple fanboy has explained that Macs are the “industry standard” for everything from photography to family lineage and you're just not quite as enlightened.

Again – it’s not the Mac I hate, it’s their fans - which in itself is hilarious. I mean, I don't begrudge someone for supporting a company - but the idea of electronics fandom baffles me. I'm trying to imagine being really excited about one companies alarm clock over another, and I just don't get it.

Maybe my Mac was defective when I bought it. Or maybe I've been too skeptical for the "magic" to take effect. But in the end, they're just computers that are only as interesting or useful as the person sitting in front of them.

iPhone...there for I am

Hello. My name is Gary, and I am an addict.

It’s been a few weeks since I purchased my last piece of electronics…but the urge haunts me daily. My drug of choice from as far back as I can remember has been gadgetry.

I’m a slave to new and pretty pieces of electronics that blink and flash and shine. I can’t help myself – I see these devices, whether it’s an MP3 player or computer or even a set of speakers, and I’m overcome with an emptiness that can only be filled by this new toy.

Granted it’s not quite as dramatic as say, a crack habit. I’m not Chris Rock in New Jack City, offering sexual favours for a fix. But it can still be pretty lethal on the old pocketbook (What is a pocketbook anyway, and who still uses one? People barely carry cash anymore).

My latest obsession comes from the purveyor of all the shiniest gadgets around right now. If electronics were porn, Steve Jobs would be Hugh Hefner.

Somehow Apple continues to supply products that you don’t just want – you need. And trust me, as anyone who knows me will attest to, it pains me to admit this. It’s not like their products really do anything different or unique – but damn if the packages and advertising don’t make a gadget-whore like myself swoon.

I got roped into buying an iPod mini when they came out. Then came the lily-white Macbook and then of course my iPod needed to be upgraded to the sleek, black iPod video. And now, Jobs’ latest creation has brought me crawling back for more.

Having seen the iPhone almost a year ago, I was intrigued but not necessarily impressed. But after I did some reading and saw some of the 1000+ applications that go with it, I felt that twitch again. From deep down came the slow and steady rumble of crazed obsession.

Within days I was reading everything about it. I suddenly hated my useless cell phone for only being able to make and receive phone calls - my little gray brick of disappointment.Then the 3G launch happened here in Canada, and my obsession boiled over. Granted, a recent trip overseas did help fuel this as it seems everyone over there has one – like they’re just giving them away.

Today though, I reached a sobering a place – I contemplated something I never thought I would. You see, August 15^th is circled on my calendar, as I have two tickets to see Radiohead in what’s being billed as one of the “must see” concerts of the year.

Tickets sold out in seconds and are nearly impossible to get. Ebay has pairs selling for more than $500.

I think you see where this is going.

It was only for one brief second that the idea of turning my tickets into profit (subsequently used to purchase said iPhone), but it was enough to shake me to my senses.

The embarrassing irony of this is that I had just recently sworn off Apple products for their shoddy craftsmanship. I’m on my third iPod after various technical problems (luckily under warranty) and my Macbook is starting to come apart after only a year and a half. Not to mention that most of their products are so sensitive that staring at them will induce scratches.

And yet here I am, lovingly gazing at photos of the iPhone and imagining that one day I’ll be lucky enough to own one.

Thankfully I have a wife to snap me out of these gadget-induced hazes and promptly bring me back to reality. Without her I’d probably be just another junkie, begging for money…but at least I’d be doing it while talking on an iPhone.