I'm not alone...

Anyone who shares my disdain for all things hipster will enjoy this article from Adbusters.

I’ve written and ranted on the subject before, but I really admire the author of this piece for actually living among them. Jane Goodall would be proud.

this is my favourite quote - "The dance floor at a hipster party looks like it should be surrounded by quotation marks."

iPhone...there for I am

Hello. My name is Gary, and I am an addict.

It’s been a few weeks since I purchased my last piece of electronics…but the urge haunts me daily. My drug of choice from as far back as I can remember has been gadgetry.

I’m a slave to new and pretty pieces of electronics that blink and flash and shine. I can’t help myself – I see these devices, whether it’s an MP3 player or computer or even a set of speakers, and I’m overcome with an emptiness that can only be filled by this new toy.

Granted it’s not quite as dramatic as say, a crack habit. I’m not Chris Rock in New Jack City, offering sexual favours for a fix. But it can still be pretty lethal on the old pocketbook (What is a pocketbook anyway, and who still uses one? People barely carry cash anymore).

My latest obsession comes from the purveyor of all the shiniest gadgets around right now. If electronics were porn, Steve Jobs would be Hugh Hefner.

Somehow Apple continues to supply products that you don’t just want – you need. And trust me, as anyone who knows me will attest to, it pains me to admit this. It’s not like their products really do anything different or unique – but damn if the packages and advertising don’t make a gadget-whore like myself swoon.

I got roped into buying an iPod mini when they came out. Then came the lily-white Macbook and then of course my iPod needed to be upgraded to the sleek, black iPod video. And now, Jobs’ latest creation has brought me crawling back for more.

Having seen the iPhone almost a year ago, I was intrigued but not necessarily impressed. But after I did some reading and saw some of the 1000+ applications that go with it, I felt that twitch again. From deep down came the slow and steady rumble of crazed obsession.

Within days I was reading everything about it. I suddenly hated my useless cell phone for only being able to make and receive phone calls - my little gray brick of disappointment.Then the 3G launch happened here in Canada, and my obsession boiled over. Granted, a recent trip overseas did help fuel this as it seems everyone over there has one – like they’re just giving them away.

Today though, I reached a sobering a place – I contemplated something I never thought I would. You see, August 15^th is circled on my calendar, as I have two tickets to see Radiohead in what’s being billed as one of the “must see” concerts of the year.

Tickets sold out in seconds and are nearly impossible to get. Ebay has pairs selling for more than $500.

I think you see where this is going.

It was only for one brief second that the idea of turning my tickets into profit (subsequently used to purchase said iPhone), but it was enough to shake me to my senses.

The embarrassing irony of this is that I had just recently sworn off Apple products for their shoddy craftsmanship. I’m on my third iPod after various technical problems (luckily under warranty) and my Macbook is starting to come apart after only a year and a half. Not to mention that most of their products are so sensitive that staring at them will induce scratches.

And yet here I am, lovingly gazing at photos of the iPhone and imagining that one day I’ll be lucky enough to own one.

Thankfully I have a wife to snap me out of these gadget-induced hazes and promptly bring me back to reality. Without her I’d probably be just another junkie, begging for money…but at least I’d be doing it while talking on an iPhone.

Blog-ocracy

This is apparently the first ever democratic blog...everyone gets a say.

That's better

I think this new layout works. Although is it to death metal? Will I ever be happy with the look of this thing?

My friend went to Ireland...and all I got was this crummy rant

I have returned from the Emerald Isle with gifts, pictures and a significantly lighter wallet.

I thought a lot about what I’d be posting when I got home and frankly I kept coming back to this – Europe is better than North America.

I’m sure on a number of levels we out-do them. I noticed they don’t have cookie cutter strip malls everywhere like we do. Which means you’re not guaranteed a Boston Pizza every fourth highway exit. But things that really matter – as a society we should be embarrassed.

Where to even begin? How about the efficient, clean and inexpensive public transit.

A friend joked with me that visiting Northern Ireland was like traveling back in time 20 years (a self-deprecating remark about their slow travels toward civil unity). But on this issue I had to disagree with him. The buses were clean and new and they arrived…on time. The trains were fast and inviting and they didn’t charge you $200 for a 2 hour round trip.

The minute I stepped on to the lush double-decker bus that would shuttle us into Belfast city centre I immediately pictured the smelly, rumbling, exhaust-spewing mess that pass for TTC streetcars. Envisioning their 70’s faux wood-panel interior and stained red seats I suddenly felt shame. Such deep shame.

But the truly astonishing part was that they were on time – all the time. If the schedule read 4:06 – then damn-it the bus came at 4:06. Every time I’ve taken the TTC in the past few months it’s been late – ranging from 5 to 20 minutes.

Oh, and you don't need exact change, the bus driver will make change from a $20 right there on the spot...imagine that on the Queen St. car at 5:00 pm...holy shit it would a riot.

I don’t necessarily have the answers to why the TTC, GO and Via are all so poorly run, but the bright minds at the top need to examine these working models a little closer.

What else…oh I know! Borders.

Why is it that while driving between Northern Ireland and the Republic – two separate countries, there wasn’t even so much as a road sign to signal our move from one country to the next? The only telling factor was that the speed limits are posted in km instead of mph.

You can travel through 4 different European countries and never be asked for a passport. Yet I can’t drive an hour to Buffalo and shop at Target without three forms of ID, personal references and a cavity search? Seriously!

I know this gets said a lot – but honestly…fuck you America. Get over yourself.

I won’t even touch on the vacation topic, except to say that they look at us like slave labourers – what with our 2 and 3 weeks of holidays.

While I appreciate that land-mass and infrastructure plays a large part in why our two continents operate differently, I would suggest that we could learn a lot from how European countries do things. We could be more efficient, more communal and get better vacation time if we would just learn from our European neighbours.

PS – I hate this blog’s layout – expect it to change soon. Gay cowboys have more masculine looking blogs than this.

Irish eyes are smiling

Newly married, and still glowing with all that love and luster that comes with matrimonial bliss – I’ve frankly been too happy lately to be an angry, fist shaking old man. So happy in fact, that I’m at a loss to use this space for it’s usual pointed critique of the social and political surroundings…aka – my frothing bat-shit-crazy melt downs.

Next week sees myself and the missus off to Ireland for our honeymoon. So this post I’m gonna switch it up and offer some recommendations for you, my sole reader.

Cool website/ interweb feature – Stumbleupon

This is probably the coolest thing I’ve seen on the web since Two Girls, One Cup…just kidding. It’s honestly a great tool and an absolutely awesome way to piss away hours on the internet.

The premise is simple enough. It generates web pages depending on the topics and interests you choose. Here’s how it breaks down – you sign up for a profile, and select interests from a big list of things including, photography, humour, girls, cups, etc…then once you’re done, you download the little toolbar – which installs itself into your browser – and you’re off.

You just hit the Stumble button and it starts bringing up pages based on your profile. I’ll warn you now though…you will get roped in and constantly be wondering what’s coming next.

www.stumbleupon.com

Cool new album from a cool band – Wolf Parade, At Mount Zoomer

While I usually leave music suggestions and critique to my good friend Sniffy Von, I do feel the need to pass on this suggestion.

When I first sat down with Wolf Parade’s last album Apologies to the Queen Mary, I didn’t really know what to think. It was chaotic; the vocals were like yelps fighting against instruments that sounded like they were being forced to their very limits. And yet it was that same chaos that two or three listens later made it so unforgettable.

This year’s follow up is much easier to sink into upon first listen. It’s a trim nine songs and is complete with the same attacking sound and emphatic melodies, with lyrics fired at you like bullets from a machine gun. But there’s also a real nuanced subtly that wasn't quite as apparent the first time around. It's perhaps a softer side to a band that might have been discounted by non-indie fans as noisey.

Stand-out tracks: Soldier’s Gun, California Dreamer and Fine Young Cannibals

Cool New trend – being a traitorous bastard!

Hey Mats. How are you? It's been a while.

So listen, didn’t I see you the other day talking to that Bob Gainey guy? What was that about?

I know we’re on a break, but I thought you were just “thinking things over,” and then I see you with him?

Listen, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I need a definitive answer one way or the other. You either stay here or you go off with him.

Seriously – dude – you wanna play in a new city fine, but Montreal? Really? Why don’t you take a big steamer on your old jersey while you’re at it. That’s cold Mats – just cold.

Just remember, when thier fans burn down your house because you lost/won the game for them – don’t come crying to us.

Hope this works out for you and doesn’t ruin the last years of your career.

for examples see: Curtis Jospeh

hmm…seems I got a bit of a rant in there after all. Feels kind of good.

Toronto I love you, but you're bringing me down

7 Cops. That’s how many it took to bring me down the other morning. Seven of them! On a sunny June morning the only way to stop me in my tracks was seven of Toronto’s finest.

What was my crime?

“Your bike doesn’t have a bell or a horn,” commented Special Constable Dick Head.

Oh that’s right, I was handed a $100 ticket for failing to equip my bike with that ever important and life saving device – a bell (or a horn). Because when it comes down to living or dying – I choose to live, and I choose a bell!

Toronto – you’re fucking killing me!

I wish to God I was making this up, because that alone would be bad enough. But five officers stood around on this morning while two handed out tickets – as if for moral support. So officer D. Head and his six friends milled about snickering under their breaths, and of course “solving crime.”

Maybe I’m wrong, but weren’t 8 people shot in Toronto this past weekend, in three or four separate incidents? Perhaps the guy putting together the schedule could have pulled three or four cops away from this whole “bell” epidemic that’s sweeping the city and put them to finding people with guns.

But of course that would take away from Toronto’s love of punishment. Gosh, this city certainly loves to be punitive.

Parked 2.5 meters from a fire hydrant instead of 3? $100 ticket.

Your parking sticker is two inches out of place? $30 ticket.

No bell or horn on your bike? $100 ticket.

Here I am trying to help the environment, keep my car off the road, looking like a tool in my bike helmet and riding in the proper bike lane – but that’s just not good enough. You know what Toronto – sometimes you’re everything that the rest of this country hates about you.

But maybe I’m wrong – maybe Toronto just has my best interest at heart. Maybe the next time I almost get hit by a car instead of swerving out of the way, I’ll just ring my bell frantically…that should send a clear message.

Or maybe it just makes the cyclist easier to find after a crash – just listen for the honking goose sound when they’re pulling apart the wreckage.