Toronto I love you, but you're bringing me down

7 Cops. That’s how many it took to bring me down the other morning. Seven of them! On a sunny June morning the only way to stop me in my tracks was seven of Toronto’s finest.

What was my crime?

“Your bike doesn’t have a bell or a horn,” commented Special Constable Dick Head.

Oh that’s right, I was handed a $100 ticket for failing to equip my bike with that ever important and life saving device – a bell (or a horn). Because when it comes down to living or dying – I choose to live, and I choose a bell!

Toronto – you’re fucking killing me!

I wish to God I was making this up, because that alone would be bad enough. But five officers stood around on this morning while two handed out tickets – as if for moral support. So officer D. Head and his six friends milled about snickering under their breaths, and of course “solving crime.”

Maybe I’m wrong, but weren’t 8 people shot in Toronto this past weekend, in three or four separate incidents? Perhaps the guy putting together the schedule could have pulled three or four cops away from this whole “bell” epidemic that’s sweeping the city and put them to finding people with guns.

But of course that would take away from Toronto’s love of punishment. Gosh, this city certainly loves to be punitive.

Parked 2.5 meters from a fire hydrant instead of 3? $100 ticket.

Your parking sticker is two inches out of place? $30 ticket.

No bell or horn on your bike? $100 ticket.

Here I am trying to help the environment, keep my car off the road, looking like a tool in my bike helmet and riding in the proper bike lane – but that’s just not good enough. You know what Toronto – sometimes you’re everything that the rest of this country hates about you.

But maybe I’m wrong – maybe Toronto just has my best interest at heart. Maybe the next time I almost get hit by a car instead of swerving out of the way, I’ll just ring my bell frantically…that should send a clear message.

Or maybe it just makes the cyclist easier to find after a crash – just listen for the honking goose sound when they’re pulling apart the wreckage.