Can-a-drab

After the rather distinct political leaning this blog has taken in the last few months it would seem only fitting that I ring in now and comment – post election – on Tuesday results. But while I do love politics – probably in the same way little girls love High School Musical – I was left deflated Wednesday morning. Not because the Conservative “win” was some great surprise, but because I felt pretty unaffected by the whole affair.

This probably has a lot to do with the fact that of the four leaders (five if you include Duceppe) there wasn’t anyone to truly “get behind” or believe in. Just pre-fab shells whose mouths seemed to spit out the same tired and regurgitated slogans.

And while I don’t think it’s a valid excuse not to vote, no one can argue that the lowest voter turnout in Canadian history has a lot to do with the fact that none of the running candidates really engaged the voting public.

Harper sequestered himself on the final days of the campaign because he’s like nuclear waste – long term exposure makes people sick. The terrifying part is that he and his campaign knew this - hiding him was part of their strategy.

Dion continued to rattle on about unclear (to us) initiatives that just confused an already apathetic voter base. For so many people, voting Liberal was a routine as getting an oil change. Yet, somehow Dion made even that seem unpalatable, and helped lose his party 19 seats.

Jack Layton would put all his supporters behind him during stump speeches to give the illusion of larger and more raucous crowds on TV. When in reality 50 people stood staring at his hind-parts while 10 stood in front with the cameras.

And so on and so on.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of the US presidential race right now. Envious of some of that pomp and circumstance. Envious of the charismatic leader they’ll soon have (yup – that Sarah Palin is great…lipstick on a pitbull – it’s funny on so many levels).

Truth is when it came down to it, I found this whole Canadian election pretty underwhelming – and that seems kind of sad. Shouldn’t we be excited at the chance to pick our government – shouldn’t they spark something in us and make us want to vote?

Feels like lately, we’ve been forced to choose the least offensive person on the ballot instead of the most qualified.

Thin Lizzy

I recently overhead a colleague waxing about how well she thought Elizabeth May has faired in this election. It's certainly a lovely sentiment, albeit a completely inaccurate one – but you all saw that coming I’m sure.

First, you have this string of nifty little campaign ads with May on the train and talking about issues like the Economy and Nature. There’s even one about Grassroots Democracy in which she claims that all the other parties have lost track of what elections are about and how they’re too focused on packaging instead of message.

While I tend to agree with her, I find it a tad hypocritical for someone to talk about “grassroots” elections and then turn around and say she doesn’t care if her party gets any seats, as long as Stephen Harper doesn’t get any.

Now I’m no friend to Harper – I hope I’ve made that abundantly clear in this spot (I have, haven’t I?), but if you’re big plan is to keep Harper out then why not join another political party to push your message? If your sole aim is to keep the Conservatives from winning – as she fairly implied that it was – then just pack up your campaign and back Jack Layton or Stephane Dion.

Second is her riding of choice, Nova Central, which has brought us the father/son team of Elmer and Peter MacKay. This has been a staunchly Conservative riding going back to 1968, straying only once in 1993 and electing a Liberal. Oh, and did I mention that Nova Central was Brian Mulroney’s riding right before he became Prime Minister?

Eliabeth May could have easily parachuted herself into a riding that would have been more favourable to her message, but she chose Nova Central because it’s where she was raised.

Now for those you think parachuting is an unethical or disingenuous way to get yourself a seat in the House of Commons, I say so what? You can either be a morally sound person on the outside looking in, or you can find favour with those who genuinely support you and make some changes from your seat in the House of Commons.

Besides, this altruistic streak of running against adversity contradicts her previous statement of “Anyone but Harper."

None of this should be seen as knock on the Green party – I think they have some great ideas and our entire parliamentary system is built on the idea of multiple parties. If nothing else it makes for some diverse and pretty lawn signs. But when the NDP are actually making a climb for the first time in years, and when the Liberals are a mere 5% behind the Conservatives, suddenly that 13% of voters that the Green party is hanging on to seems very valuable.

Almost enough to get rid of the Harper-bot once and for all!

A Poem For Canada

I am sad today.

Sad for all Canadians,

Dion has no chance.

This Haiku poem neatly sums up my – and I would assume most competent Canadians’ – views on what will transpire after Thanksgiving this year (the real one…not this November B.S.).

The maddening part is that this election is so wide open that just about anyone could win it. Anyone except Dion…and Jack Layton (although I think his mustache has a chance).

I’m sure Dion is a nice enough bloke and probably interesting company on a nature walk – but I look at him and picture the substitute teacher in high school we made cry (and probably quit teaching).

I’d be willing to bet he’s an avid Dungeons and Dragons player and probably collects model trains – which doesn’t make him a bad guy, but it doesn’t make him easy to like. I’m pretty sure that even my grandmother wants to beat him up and steal his lunch money. The man is a geek – a pure unadulterated power-nerd. He is Charlie Brown incarnate.

Frankly, Stephane can’t be blamed for this, you are what you are and you should embrace that. But in the political race to become Prime Minister, you must either be a man of power and charisma or a crudely fashioned robot, pieced together from Radio Shack parts and Brian Mulroney’s chin.

The true culprits are the mentalists in the Liberal party who legitimately believed he would be a worthy opponent of Harperbot.

Ignatieff must have really messed shit up.

How winnable is this election? Read this article and ask yourself whether Harper would attempt this sort of thing if he respected the person he was running against.

I'm thinking not.

The Truth about Sarah Palin

I found this piece on Rolling Stone's website. Granted they're not exactly known for their bi-partisan views (always openly support the Dems), but this piece was so mind-blowing and jaw-dropping I felt the need to share.

Plus this doesn't even touch on the fact that Sarah Palin thinks dinosaurs roamed the Eatrth only 4,000 years ago and that cavemen rode them like horses. Insane.

Enjoy - Sarah Palin's Lies

Follow Me!

For those of you who make the pilgrimage to read this blog I've added a new feature. On the right side there's a Follow Me app that lets me know who's reading (or at least how many).

I think you can follow anonymously for those of you who are embarrassed to state publicly that you waste minutes in your day trying to decipher my aimless rants.

Electioneering

“I will stop, I will stop at nothing,
Say the right things when electioneering”

- Thom Yorke

It's happening again. As November draws near and the US election becomes a slightly brighter light on the horizon, that – thing – is raising its ugly head again. The shrill cry of elitist could be heard bouncing from the rafters of the RNC only a week ago. Once again they were heard to say - Obama is not one of us, he's not an 'everyman.'

The fact that this hackneyed and broke-down expression serves as the Republican mantra should come as a shock to no one (it’s as redundant as they are). It should also be of no surprise that the newly minted VP candidate has picked up this rallying cry so quickly. This is the art of politicking.

Simple things like truth and fact are of zero consequence – what is needed now are vitriolic diatribes. The kind of attack that doesn’t just put your opponent in his place, but potentially ruins him and his family for as long as anyone cares to remember.

Case in point - the Republicans are accusing Obama of wanting to educate Kindergartners about sex. In reality Obama wants to put forth a bill that aims to start educating Kindergartners about sexual predators - in my mind this is a rather important distinction. However to the McCain camp this is inconsequential.

I would love to say that this is the new politics, but frankly it's the time honoured tradition of ruining your opponent. Nor is it solely a product of the US. In fact this week our own Canadian election campaign hit the ground running with the Conservatives shitting the bed twice in as many days. Once with a pooping puffin and again by accusing the father of a dead soldier of using his dead son to further the Liberal agenda...pinko commie bastard.

Of course Harper-bot (this year's model comes complete with eyebrows and 2 new emotions - anger and smug superiority), was quick to file both incidents under the "Not my fucking fault" category.

But just because this is the style of politics we've grown accustomed to, doesn't necessarily mean we should be forced to tolerate it. I mean every time you turn around it's one shady act after another from all parties. We've become so jaded and skeptical that every political action is deemed to have ulterior motives - maybe because they do.

It seems that there are only two types of politics left in the world: slanderous character assassinations on your opponent, or actual assassinations where your opponent is blown up in their car.

How that changes I have no idea - maybe it comes from us. Maybe we tell the news outlets like Fox and CNN that we want impartial news. Maybe we should demand that the news coverage clarify and vet things that are coming out of the politicians mouths instead of carelessly pushing information out that they know are lies. Maybe they should call the politicians out when they know they're trying to pull one over on us.

Of course maybe that sort of news coverage already exists.

City vs. Suburbs Part 2

In the city, if you see a guy lying in the bushes - leave him alone - he's just sleeping.

In the suburbs, if you see a guy lying in the bushes - call an ambulance - he's probably having a heart-attack. No, seriously - call an ambulance.